So, I recently found out that I did not get accepted into a Ph.D. program for higher education. Yes, I'm kind of bummed out. I thought this was the right time for me both personally, professionally, and academically. I've been a practitioner now in higher ed for over 12 years, and I realized that I wanted the research practice and to offer my contributions to the academic field. I had heard that the program had gotten a lot more selective in the past few years - trying to raise its own academic reputation as well as increase its finishing rates.
As I started the application process, I found myself being "in the closet" in a way. Telling only certain people that I was applying (of course those I was requesting letters of recommendation, and even my director/supervisor once I got an interview). But, it was this weird space of... I want to tell you, but I also don't want to tell you, because then, if I don't get it - then, I'll have to tell you that I didn't get in.
However, I also wanted the support of my friends, etc. as I anxiously waited.
Then, I got the e-mail confirming... that I was not accepted. Then the official letter.
I've lately been thinking, I should throw myself a "FU (insert program name here); Their Loss" party with cake and everything. I could then ask my friends and guests where they see are my future paths, skills, and talents. Something affirming.
In a way, it's not entirely the end of the world. Not getting in made me self-reflect on really what were my reasons and intentions of grad school. I also got the experience of taking the GREs for the first time - so now I can better empathize with the undergrads I know taking them.
For those out there who also did not get accepted (and only you know who you are), loves and hugs. Remember, it's not just about you. There were other factors considered most likely out of your control. And, I'm working on on a Hallmark card for this situation like ours as you read!
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