it's not a heart attack

it's not a heat attack

maybe a heart ache

a heart sadness

but I'm doubtful it's

anything to do with veins and arteries

possibly a pulled muscle

or stress

but no shortness of breath

or pain in the arm

like you see in the movies

i've felt it before

i try and keep track

when i feel it

is it when i'm sad

stressed

lonely

angry

i wouldn't blame my heart

to ache once and awhile

it deserves to feel that way

the heart does not look

like the commercialized

red and symmetrical

heart we know 

from the cards and candies

to me, the heart looks

icky and odd

something you can hold in your hand

but globular and dark purple

pumping blood

in and out

to the rest of your body

the place where i used to

place my hand on

during the pledge of allegiance 

or the raising of the flag

haven't done that for awhile

not since i was a kid at least

is it sad because of our

upcoming parting ways?

is it angry because

of the untenable situation

with mom?

is it aching because 

there seems so often to be

no relief in sight?

how did it feel when i ran

my first 5K

the last mile 

the last 1/2 mile

the last 1/4 mile 

was the hardest

i pushed my body 

more than i ever had

and i thought if i die now

at least it would be for a 

good cause

will finding a new love

help my heart

they say people have actually died

from a broken heart

i can believe it

but mine is not quite broken

more hurt and in need for

recovery and healing

Back to the Office

The office walls
University halls
With no windows and light
A flee or fight

A confinement of days
Monitoring your ways
Tick tock tick tock
The timing of the clock

Industrial carpet beneath your feet
Fake wood your hands meet
Office lighting above your head
The daily, small talk you dread

You mourn your time from summer now
Where did it go, then and now
Time moves on and can't look back
Summer is dead, fall is black

Ode to the End of Summer

No more bright sunny days
Instead, the four, windowless walls
Standing at a computer
Instead of standing with rocks and sand
Between my toes

Summer, I'm sorry I did not
Earlier appreciate you
I took you for granted
I thought you were just
Hotter days of fall

I fell in love
With the water
And the sound of the tides
When I would put my ear to the beach

I turned three shades darker
Not knowing how much
Browner a
Brown girl could get

I queered the beach
When people called my
Boy, son, or Mister
I let it roll of of me, like the tides

I tried reading some
But mostly failed when I fell asleep
The harsh sun was not friendly
To the pages

Thank you summer
For teaching me more
Than I have ever learned
See you next year, but earlier