So even if you're an Asian alien, you're still suspect

Only through convenience,  I've been watching The Neighbors on abc channel 7. It comes on after Modern Family so it is easy to get sucked in. Overall, the idea isn't bad. Kind of funny. No big stars to boast, but that's okay. The main alien family is multi-racial with well-known American people's names. I instantly took notice when I saw there was an Asian American son. He was playing the typical geeky role, but to some degree there was license to do so moreso because he was an alien than because he was Asian.

This past week's episode involves a high school dance. Then,  there was a time when the girl he likes asks if he was gay. I saw that coming.  Once again,  the Asian American male is seen as non-heterosexual. Stupid. C'mon ABC, that is so 1980s. I thought we'd be past that cheap laugh.

Somewhere Between adoption film

My friend and her daughter and I recently attended the Chicago showing of "Somewhere Between" where a film director showed the lives of four Chinese adoptees with their families. When the film was done, they were in their early teenage years, and now six years later, here they are on "tour" with the film. Overall, I thought the film was well done. The girls were pretty open and honest. It was mostly them and not a lot from their adopted parents.

There was one time in the film when the adopted mom asked the birth parents, "So which one of you abandoned her?" I felt a collective - gasp and sigh from the audience.

So Many Photos

I've been trying to scan all many prints. I'm almost done. Some early prints are from college - very fun memories - my first niece as a baby. Ma and Mom. One of many first Dyke Marches. I'm definitely a "saver" like my moms. I can't believe that I saved SO many notes and cards from now over 30 years ago! Some of the great ones are from middle school where bff and I must have dedicated a whole spiral bound notebook and we'd pass it along to each other. Folding over pages when we were done. It was really cute. The silly things we said, although at the time I'm sure they were entirely serious and dramatic for us.

And then there the "love letters" and even break up letters. I actually found a few items of an old boyfriend, tracked him down, and sent him the stuff. I thought he'd be thrilled about getting his old baseball hat and a drawing he made me. I know I would be. But, alas, I guess he's been over me. Obviously. My spouse said, he's probably not responding due to his wife. Too bad, because I really liked the memories and then the thought of even talking again. Oh well. Letting it gooooo...

Various photos and slides I found

A Different Christmas

This Christmas, Mom and I jokingly called our "poverty stricken" Christmas. For Mom, who is now a severely limited income until her house sells, not being able to buy presents for her grandkids, friends, and family is like torture. I could tell this as she lamented that she only had one gift to give me and others. That she just couldn't get out to shop since she didn't have the van to drive and even if she did - she just has no money.

Although like most, I like a small gift or two, but I also have hated the commercialism and capitalism that comes with most holidays. There's just so many other better ways to spend money.

While it's hard for Mom, I am sure that most people in America and around the world wish they had more money to buy gifts for loved ones. And that this feeling is a common and annual feeling.

When the house sells, Mom will have a little bit more - so that she can give. But for now, I hope she can just be thankful for the health she has as well as her friends and family that love her with or without a present.

Have a Very Merry Gendered Christmas

Oh TJs - that's what me and my spouse call Trader Joe's.  Known for cute once and awhile seasonal items. Inexpensive yet quality.  I recently saw these mini-gingerbread MEN cookies. I says thought they were gender neutral, but seems very clear that these cookies are men! Why TJs, why? Don't you know that gendering things only makes them problematic?

The next thing I looked for was the women. Didn't see them. Putting a skirt on these time told cookies would just be weird. Keep them gender neutral!

Waiting for an Apology That May Never Come

I've always thought of myself as a forgiving person. People make mistakes. They apologize. You get over it. But it's been a hard one these past few months when a family member has hurt you and not even possibly realized she made a mistake. What do you do then?

My tattoo I got over this summer

Scenario #1: You tell the person

That would seem to be the logical and most direct thing to do. "Family Member X, you have hurt me. Do you understand the consequences of this? Are you sorry?"

But why is this so hard to do?

I know for me, I (illogically) felt like she should know what she's done. She should know that she has done harm and not been grateful. Why do I need to tell her? I feel even more hurt that she's so oblivious.

Scenario #2: You don't tell the person and you continue to wait

Or, you just wait. You wait for the person to come to their senses. You wait for the person to "see the light."

Just know... this maybe futile.

So how to forgive and let go.

"I forgive you." Three seemingly simple words, but we know wars have been waged by world leaders inability for not being able to say them.

I forgive you, because...

• I need to use my time for better things.
• This is stressing me out.
• There's not a right or wrong.
• I love Mom too much to avoid her because of you.
• Not forgiving you is making me mean and and angry.
• I know you've been hurt too in the past.
• I love you.

Stuff, stuff, and more stuff!

I now have about four medium-sized boxes that contain various papers, letter, award certificates, and of course photos from my past. All of my early years of 0-24 years of age can be found in these cardboard boxes that could usually contain any number of other things. It took two trips from my hometown to Chicago to bring these boxes back in my mom's van. Then, multiple trips up to our third floor apartment. I felt like an ant making the same route back and forth carrying four times my weight.

Boxes with various letters, papers, and memorabilia

Lately, I've felt a bit of remorse for not keeping some things. My old high chair I sat in for a few years. Some band sweatshirts. A piece of wooden furniture of Ma's.

But, I just didn't have room for these. And, I'm also reminded of my own philosophy I told Mom... keep the memories; not the stuff.

This Winter Break, I'm planning on going through the boxes and taking photographs or scanning the items. It will still be a huge project. I get caught up on reading every letter. Thinking back to that person and/or experience. Fond memories. Bad memories. Weird memories. Was I really that person almost 20 years ago? Sometimes I think - I should really look that person up and say, "hey." I actually did that to an old boyfriend a few weeks ago, and while it wasn't horrible, it wasn't what I had hoped either.

A small box of letters from college

Stuff is stuff is stuff.

Let things go for the new!