Thursday, November 22, 2012

Waiting for an Apology That May Never Come

I've always thought of myself as a forgiving person. People make mistakes. They apologize. You get over it. But it's been a hard one these past few months when a family member has hurt you and not even possibly realized she made a mistake. What do you do then?

My tattoo I got over this summer

Scenario #1: You tell the person

That would seem to be the logical and most direct thing to do. "Family Member X, you have hurt me. Do you understand the consequences of this? Are you sorry?"

But why is this so hard to do?

I know for me, I (illogically) felt like she should know what she's done. She should know that she has done harm and not been grateful. Why do I need to tell her? I feel even more hurt that she's so oblivious.

Scenario #2: You don't tell the person and you continue to wait

Or, you just wait. You wait for the person to come to their senses. You wait for the person to "see the light."

Just know... this maybe futile.

So how to forgive and let go.

"I forgive you." Three seemingly simple words, but we know wars have been waged by world leaders inability for not being able to say them.

I forgive you, because...

  • I need to use my time for better things.
  • This is stressing me out.
  • There's not a right or wrong.
  • I love Mom too much to avoid her because of you.
  • Not forgiving you is making me mean and and angry.
  • I know you've been hurt too in the past.
  • I love you.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Stuff, stuff, and more stuff!

I now have about four medium-sized boxes that contain various papers, letter, award certificates, and of course photos from my past. All of my early years of 0-24 years of age can be found in these cardboard boxes that could usually contain any number of other things. It took two trips from my hometown to Chicago to bring these boxes back in my mom's van. Then, multiple trips up to our third floor apartment. I felt like an ant making the same route back and forth carrying four times my weight.

Boxes with various letters, papers, and memorabilia


Lately, I've felt a bit of remorse for not keeping some things. My old high chair I sat in for a few years. Some band sweatshirts. A piece of wooden furniture of Ma's.

But, I just didn't have room for these. And, I'm also reminded of my own philosophy I told Mom... keep the memories; not the stuff.

This Winter Break, I'm planning on going through the boxes and taking photographs or scanning the items. It will still be a huge project. I get caught up on reading every letter. Thinking back to that person and/or experience. Fond memories. Bad memories. Weird memories. Was I really that person almost 20 years ago? Sometimes I think - I should really look that person up and say, "hey." I actually did that to an old boyfriend a few weeks ago, and while it wasn't horrible, it wasn't what I had hoped either.

A small box of letters from college



Stuff is stuff is stuff.

Let things go for the new!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Seasons Changing; So Do Clothes

It is definitely fall. I've already worn my "long janes" at least six times now. Earlier in October, I changed out my summer clothes with my winter clothes. They actually don't look that different, except my white, short sleeved t-shirts turn into my white, long sleeved t-shirts. Gray and black to follow suit. In fall and winter, I get to wear my 28x30 corduroy pants.

I always think as Chicagoans layer up for the winter (January-March), how the gendered aspect of clothing plays out. I've thought that we might become more gender-neutral as winter sets in, but then I see a fluffy pink winter coat. Or hats and mittens that are definitely "for girls."

Personally for me, I have a Land's End, medium, boy's coat that I bought at the end of their season. My hat and gloves are gender-neutral, and I'm sure they were bought on sale. I go for functionality first; fashion second. But that's just me.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

The First African-American President in Real Life; But Not in the Movies

Update (3/3/13): I recently was flipping channels, and I found a sitcom depicting the First Family and they were African-American. The TV show is called "The First Family" and was created by Byron Allen. See Wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_First_Family_(TV_series). Unfortunately, I personally didn't think the writing was that great. We'll see how it does.

Original post:

With the election of President Obama for the second term, maybe now there will be an African-American President portrayed in the cinema. I assert that the movie producers thought Obama would be a one term President, and now with his re-election, we should see more movies with a President that reflects our current reality. Or will we?

In film, there is no lack of movies that have drama and adventure with the President of the United States. And to some degree, we don't or can't quarrel that there's not an African-American President before 2008, because in reality, there hadn't been one. However, I thought the movies were always a place for going beyond reality or pushing our imagination. Here are few movie examples from the 1990s. Images from Imdb.com.

Kevin Kline in Dave (1993)


Michael Douglas in The American President (1995)


Harrison Ford in Air Force One (1997)

From the large screen to the small screen, we have NBC's The West Wing where Martin Sheen plays the President for nearly most of the series. However (spoiler), only in the last two seasons (Seasons 6, 7) does the first Latino President played by actor Jimmy Smits get his time in office.

Actor Jimmy Smits plays the first Latino President Matt Santos in The West Wing
We also can't forget the first African-American TV President from the hit TV show 24. Actor Dennis Haysbert plays David Palmer for Seasons 2 and 3; and returning for a bit in Seasons 4 and 5. Notably, Palmer plays Jack Bauer's main antagonist.

Dennis Haysbert played David Palmer, the first
African-American and person of color President on 24.

So with Obama's re-election, why do we still have NBC set to debut in January 2013, 1600 Penn with Bill Pullman??? 

Upcoming TV series on NBC with Bill Pullman

A fictitious conversation on why there's not an African-American President in films or prime time TV shows even now that Obama has been re-elected.

ME: Hello, and thanks for agreeing to this discussion.

MEDIA PEOPLE: Of course. We value your feedback as a viewer.

ME: Thanks. I am a viewer. I definitely grew up on TV as a Gen X-er. Let me get right to the point. When I was growing up, I always saw older, White, straight men as the President of the United States on TV or in the movies.

MP: Yes. This is because we've only had, umm, White men be President.

ME: Yes. I understand. But, in 2008, former IL Senator Barack Obama ran and successfully won the Presidential election. His term was for four years with the hope of another four, which just got realized last week.

MP: Yes, you are correct.

ME: As a kid, I always thought that what played on TV or in the movies could be based on reality, but had the beauty and flexibility of being more. Showing the audience... what could be even if we weren't quite there yet.

MP: Like Star Trek or Star Wars.

ME: Well, that's a little bit different. Those are science fiction genres... although we still typically have White, straight men in power - but that's a different article.

MP: It's true. What we show the American people is a balance of reality and fiction.

ME: So, do you think we can expect to see more African-American Presidents, when the TV or movie is set in today's reality? 

MP: Possibly. We're not sure if the viewing audience is ready for a Black, I mean, African-American President.

ME: Really?

MP: Really. People are finicky. They come to TV or the movies to escape. While the piece might resemble reality, people don't want reality.

ME: Really?

MP: Really.

ME: So what will it take for there to be an African-American President on TV or in a Blockbuster movie?

MP: We'd first have to find a suitable actor who can...

ME: Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington, Chris Rock, Tyler Perry, Will Smith, Samuel L. Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Don Cheadle... Do you want more names?

MP: No, thanks.


In conclusion, there is no reason (except for ignorance and racism) that there should not be an African-American President on the small and large screen. There are plenty of superb actors. Obama will have four more years. Hollywood is not stupid. They know their power and privilege. They are just continuing the status quo in the agency they have access to.